


The Ways We Love

by EzraTheBlue



Series: Fastball [6]
Category: Saiyuki
Genre: M/M, Minor spoilers for current events in chapter two, Sickfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-24
Updated: 2017-06-24
Packaged: 2018-11-18 06:49:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,037
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11285916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EzraTheBlue/pseuds/EzraTheBlue
Summary: Written for the prompts "Marry me?" and "I think I’m in love with you and I’m terrified."





	1. Sick

**Author's Note:**

  * For [locketofyourhair](https://archiveofourown.org/users/locketofyourhair/gifts).

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Occurs pre-journey.

Hakkai had thought it was strange when Gojyo was crawling out of bed before noon. He’d turned from washing the dishes to see him dragging himself to the disorganized pantry, blanket wrapped around his shoulders, and flipping through the medicine bottles with a limp hand. Hakkai frowned his disapproval for a moment, then noticed Gojyo’s bleary, watery eyes and the flush in his complexion. Without waiting to ask, he touched the back of his hand to his forehead. Instead of flinching and shrinking back at the sudden contact, Gojyo groaned and shut his eyes.

“Your hand’s cold. Feels nice.”

Gojyo’s forehead was hotter than his hair looked. “I’m not cool, you’re burning.” Hakkai forcibly turned Gojyo to face him, but as wobbly as he was, there was no effort to it. Gojyo looked plainly sick, shivering where he stood even under the blanket. “Did you just notice?”

“Mm.” Gojyo sniffled. “Felt a little funny at the tables last night, but they all just thought I was playing for sympathy.”

Hakkai tutted Gojyo and dragged him back over to the sofa. “Stay here.” He returned to the kitchen, throwing together a plan as quick as he could. Chi wouldn’t do much for a common cold, but he could put together a noodle soup and a cup of herbal tea, perfect to cure anything that ailed him.

Gojyo complained quietly from the sofa, moaning, “You don’t gotta make such a fuss.”

“I want to.” Hakkai put the tea down on the table beside him and pushed a few pills into his hand. Gojyo bit his lip, and Hakkai knelt down and combed the hair from his face. “I’ll take much better care of you than anyone at the card tables do.”

With that, he did. He kept Gojyo loaded with tea and soup and played card games with him. He mopped the cold sweat from his brow, checked his temperature, and when he got tired, Hakkai forced him to lay down for a nap.

“You don’t gotta,” Gojyo tried to repeat.

“I want to.” Hakkai tucked him in, smoothing his hair from his damp brow. “I care about you, like I said, so I’ll care for you.”

“Mm. Didn’t know I carried home a wife that night.” He chuckled wearily, and Hakkai smiled to himself as Gojyo settled into his delirium. Helpless to instinct, he stroked Gojyo’s hair for a few minutes, humming a tuneless little lullaby until Gojyo’s breathing evened out.

When he did get up and turn, though, he heard Gojyo talking again: “Y’take care of me better’n anyone.” Hakkai didn’t move, didn’t breathe, even when Gojyo mumbled on: “Marry me?”

Hakkai turned again, eyebrows knit up. Surely that was just the fever speaking. Still, Gojyo deserved an answer. “Only when you know how much I love you.”

Just the fever speaking, Hakkai reminded himself, and sat himself down on the chair to watch Gojyo sleep.


	2. Terrified

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Occurs near current events of Reload Blast.

“Nothing may come of it.” Hakkai was still trying to reassure him, or maybe himself, as he examined the mark again. Sanzo had seemed to know that Hakkai needed  Now that he knew it was there and the initial shock had worn off, Gojyo wasn’t outwardly panicking. He couldn’t do anything about it, there wasn’t much point in fretting. Hakkai, clearly, hadn’t reached the same conclusion, tracing the pattern over and over. “A mark isn’t the Minus Wave. Perhaps it’s just a … a bit of residual magic, after Sanzo and Sharak Sanzo both used their sutras, or perhaps it’s just…”

“Hey, hey.” Gojyo turned around and grabbed Hakkai’s hands to keep him from raising goosebumps on his neck. “It’s fine. It’s not like we can do anything about it.”

Hakkai blinked, bewildered, as Gojyo held his gaze. “I’m just trying to ensure it hasn’t gotten any bigger. And if it has –”

“We can’t do much if it did.” Gojyo put on a smile, the kind that could convince pretty girls of anything. “Look, I’m here, I’m fine, we got this under control. There’s nothing to be afraid of.”

“Nothing to be afraid of,” Hakkai repeated, his expression even, and a spark of anger in his tones. “The unknown is vast and frightening, Gojyo, and the known is worse.” The spark began to build into a blaze. “If you are displaying your demon nature, if the Minus Wave does affect you and you do lose control, and what will happen then? We can’t prepare, we can’t stop it, what can we do? All I’ll have to do is stop you by force, and I told you, I simply won’t be able to. I can’t lose someone else to the youkai, Gojyo.” Hakkai was squeezing his hands so hard it hurt, but Gojyo couldn’t pull away as Hakkai nearly growled, “I can’t lose someone else I love to them. I think I’m in love with you and I’m terrified.” 

Gojyo blinked back the shock, absorbed in the anguish, pain and anger on Hakkai’s face, until Hakkai suddenly surged forward and kissed him. He automatically responded, kissing back like he would whenever any woman could no longer resist his charms, but when he pulled away, it was not to bashful smiles and quirked eyebrows, it was to Hakkai, desperate, holding on far too tight. He had meant it.

So Gojyo held him back. “Hey, you know that’s not what’s going to go down.” He slipped on a smile for size. “You know we’re gonna go home, and you’re going to have an invincible wife and a gaggle of daughters, and I’m gonna be a doting uncle, and we’re all gonna be alright.” 

Hakkai, not letting go, shook his head. “Oh, I wish I could believe you.” He bowed his head against Gojyo’s shoulder, and Gojyo worked one hand loose to draw him into a hug. “But all I can do is fear for the worst.”

Gojyo, useless to his instincts, kissed Hakkai on the cheek. “Then I’m just going to have to hope for the best.” And, he added to himself, forget about the wife and daughters, because if Hakkai was going to hold on too tight, the wild instincts he did have were going to crush him in embrace and never let go.


End file.
